Lyrics - Squashed Hedgehogs (Jarratt)
From CD Squashed Hedgehogs.

I woke last Sunday Morning , said 'what a lovely day,
let's all go to the seaside' & the kids yelled 'hip hooray!'
we got out the buckets and the spades, postponed the Sunday Roast,
packed the kids inside the car and sped off to the coast.

Now on a long car journey, small children soon get bored,
and if you don't keep then occupied you soon lose sweet accord,
some children they count buses, or bird's nests as they whizz by,
but mine lean from the windows and excitedly they cry:-

Squashed hedgehogs! Squashed hedgehogs!
Squashed hedghogs in the road!
Squashed Hedgehogs! Squashed Hedgehogs!
Squashed bunnies, hares and toads!
Let's play at spotting grotties dad, lets count them from the car,
and when you stop to rest awhile we'll scrape some from the tar!

Some kids like the sound of music, but mine are not like that,
they'd rather play at tennis with a rigor-mortised cat!
Some children like steam locos as they rumble down their lines
but my kids like to hear the sound of splintering hedgehog spines.


Now we have a little rabbit, likewise a little cat,
and the children cannot understand why they should not be flat,
I have to guard them night and day, in case they should expire,
my eldest daughter cycles home with blood upon her tyre!

My youngest daughter Laura has blue eyes and a sweet smile,
it's hard to think that she could be a budding necrophile,
like other children she comes in, her clothes all in a mess,
but its not muck but hedgehog spines and blood upon her dress!


Why are children so obsessive about the gruesome things they find,
I often wonder what goes on inside a young kid's mind;
my little daughter smiled at me, and yesterday she said:-
"Do all grown-ups have tyre marks upon them when they're dead!"


Now an Hedgehog has got prickles, but he's not much brains at all,
his answer to a ten ton truck is to roll up in a ball,
and Myxomatosis makes it hard for rabbits roads to see,
especially if they're nibbling at a speeding Ford Capri!

REFRAIN 2.: Squashed Hedgehogs! Squashed Hedgehogs!
squashed hedgehogs in the road,
Squashed Hedgehogs! Squashed Hedgehogs!
Squashed bunnies, hares and toads.
You'll find us dying everywhere in every country lane
observe our squashed intestines as they pulsate in the rain!

At night the friendly tomcat he wails out his serenade
to the she-cat that lives oer the road so kittens may be made;
but when he darts across to woo her, he finds he's out of luck,
nine lives aren't very useful when you're under a TEN WHEEL TRUCK!!

The toad he has a warty skin and popping bulbous eyes,
but he looks just like a chapati when he's squashed to twice his size!
Squashed brains, exploding eyeballs and splintered broken necks,
it's a terrible price to have to pay for a couple of seconds of sex!

REFRAIN 3. As 2. but final couplet reads:-
Since I started driving years ago I'll tell to you no lies,
I've three sparrows on my conscience and a couple of millionflies!

Being a hedgehog nowadays, its really not much fun,
with tyre treads upon your nose and skid marks on your bum!
I sleep and snore the winter through, I hibernate it's said,
but my natural summer habitat is SPLATTED and SQUASHED and DEAD!

REFRAIN 4. As 2. but final couplet reads:-
Let's play at 'Grotty Spotting' Dad lets spot them from the car,
until we get fed up and lose count of JUST HOW MANY THERE ARE!